Well kiddies, its almost that time, so here is a Christmas story retold by old Uncle wot.

This is the story behind the Legend of the fairy on top of the Christmas tree.

A long, long time ago, early on a Christmas Eve morning, Santa bounded out of bed singing ‘This is my once a year day, once a year day…’ He went into the bathroom and…. Bu**er! no hot water to shave with. eh ..ah.. scratch that… poor ole Santa had to wash his face and clean his teeth in cold water.

He put on his robe and went down stairs for breakfast. ‘ Goooood morning Merry’ (his wife) he said, absolutely brimming with Christmas joy.
“Where the hell you been, Look at the time. The toast is burned, the eggs and bacon are cold and greasy. Tough! you’re gonna have to have em like they are. Some people have work to do, It’s Christmas you know! All right for some people to lay around all day.’ was Merry’s bright and cheerful reply.

Santa thought it prudent at this point in time not to mention that he needed some buttons re-sewn on his jacket, and decided he would do it himself after he finished his breakfast. Twenty seven needle jabs and a pint and a half of blood later the job was finished. Most of the blood washed off the jacket and the pink fur trim looked kinda pretty.

Down to the tack room to check the sleigh and the harness. Damn! I forgot about breaking the runner on that outhouse in Germany. Have to get Rudolph’s ears checked. I distinctly told him to land on the Schmidt house. He rolled up his sleeves and set to work. He carefully shaped a new runner and fixed it to the sleigh, painted it and touched up some other minor dings. Looked pretty good over all and only a minimum of blood, paint and oil on his suit.

Now the harness. Bloody hell, must have been a bit pissed when I got back last Christmas. IT WAS A MESS! Thrown in a corner, tangled and broken, bells missing and tarnished – well in the end it took him half a frustrating day to sort it.

Stables and Reindeers and I’m about done…. Christ!…… someone left the door open, reindeers scattered from one horizon to the other. Santa trudged off and hours later, footsore and frozen, blisters and a soggy Santa suit, he returned with the reindeers and finally had them secured in the stables. He just turned around and there stood the head elf, e x t r e m l e y agitated.

Santa you ain’t gonna believe this, just had a visit from the union rep. and the elves have all gone on strike, They want to actually get paid and don’t want to work on Christmas day.

As you can imagine by this time Santa was a little piqued. Well to tell you the truth he was really, really, really pissed!

Just then the good fairy came in, dragging a pine tree.

“Santa, I’ve got the Christmas tree, where do you want me to put it? “

And that my friends, is the story behind the legend of the fairy on the Christmas tree.

wot