My name is frenchy and I’m a woodaholic
OK it’s been 5 hours since I bought some wood.. I know that I should leave some for you guys but it’s hard not to be greedy when they have such a deal..
I now buy about 800 bd.ft. of hard maple for $10.00 it used to be twenty but he decided that since I wasn’t buying it fast enough that he would lower the price evan further. now when I buy a bundle I get another bundle free.. He evan said that my next bundle of cherry was free!
Maybe since it’s been over a month since my last purchase he was concerned that I might be able to cold turkey it.
Oh it’s not all that cheap, I did have to use the company truck to go and pick it up and they charge me 10 cents per mile and I suppose it’s 130 miles round trip.. that plus I now have sooooooooo much wood on stikers that I had to spend actual cash money to go buy some more.. that was another $40.00
I suppose I brought home another 5000 bd.ft. today.. darn it the pile outside was just starting to get to the point that I could see over some of it and now I’ll add another great big pile outside.
Hey anybody want to share my good fortune? come on by and I’ll give you two boards free with each one you buy. How about 20 cents per board? (buy five boards for a dollar and I’ll force you to take home 15..)
Replies
French, Lay off the wood alcohol (It'l make your head all bad ) Stein.
Stein,
Obviously my head is all bad already, otherwise why would I sell fifteen boards for a buck? My only condition is that you can't sort. I bought mill run, you have to take mill run..
You timber framing a cathedral too?
I thought your house looked about done, maybe you do need some professional help. Tell ya what, cold turkey is probably best, so, for a low fee of say buck a board, I'll come get it all out of your sight. Maybe once its all gone you will be able to resume normal life. Woodaholicism can be bad so, better get started with this treatment right away. I'll get the fleet of trucks headed your way.
Seriously though, great job on the house!
Steve,
Only about half of it's done the interesting half, the part facing the lake is still the same old place.. waiting to be torn down..
The really clever timberframing is yet to come, I'm learning how to do the simple stuff first before I get to the arched compound curve hammertrusses.
I don't want a buck a board, I agreed that it would only cost 20 cents a board and I'd throw some boards in free! Please come and get some!!!?!
You're a sick, sick puppy to make us read that.......
frenchy
Hopeless!! ha.. ha... ha..ha..ha..
sarge..jt
Proud member of the : "I Rocked With ToolDoc Club" .... :>)
heartless too..........sheesh....
<still recoverin from £25/cube...Mike Wallace
Stay safe....Have fun
Dude,
What you really really need is a spell of minimilism and non attachment therapy.
I will sacrifice my own wellbeing for yours, me being that kinda friend.
So, the path to YOUR happiness is simple............send me all your wood.
It's the least I can do for a mate.
:-)
Everything, 100% of it, depends on how you look at it.
DW
AJ in NZ
you need to come and get some of this wood from me, I'll only keep on getting it and maybe if you and a few others would remove a serious chunk of it I'd be better off. (I know my neighbors would appreciate it)
For you, it's free for the taking!
Maybe if you are real talented you could make a boat out of it and .....
Edited 3/1/2004 1:02:10 PM ET by frenchy
Frenchy -
My name is Dennis and I'm a Skagit Co. (WA) woodworker wannabe. I know you're a long ways away from me 'coz we've discussed this in the past (kinda). Since it's so far for me to come to get your wood and help you through this crisis I have a deal. You come visit me (in Beautiful Skagit County where eagles soar overhead almost daily and we watch the bats do their aerobatics every night), bring all the wood you can carry, and you can stay here at Creekside for as long as it takes to make the break.
We offer a diagnostic and therapy treatments for problems such as yours. We even restrict access to the woodshop until our trained professionals (me) feel you're ready to test your resistance to sawdust and shavings. We have two acres available for safe and secure disposal of our patient's (your) excesses so don't be shy; bring all the wood you want.
As a non-profit institution, we don't ask any more from our inmates .... er residents (you) than to bring wood. Short stuff for turning stock, big stuff for cabinets and whatever the staff (me) choses to make from it, even little splinters and cut-offs for the evening sing-a-longs around the communal campfire.
Looking forward to your visit ......
(grin)
From Beautiful Skagit Co. Wa.
Dennis
Dennis,
How tempting your very kind offer is,, ah to be able to loaf instead of work! To sit around a campfire rather than work myself to the ache and pain point trying to get some timber to behave itself and comply with my plans rather than warp off in an unacceptable fashion..
I can well imagine the delites of sitting around a campfire roasting marshmellows rather than trying to remove the latest batch of slivers.
However since the home is less than half finished I'm afraid that she who must be obeyed (SWMBO) would seek either a good divorce attorney or several cans of a petroleum product and matches to remove all trace of remaining wood.
One final point..
weight.. Since there is probably close to 25,000 bd.ft. of wood around the house at present and as a rough calculation we can assume around 7 pounds per bd.ft. dried (and some is a long way from dry) that means that I would need to carry nearly 200,000 pounds of wood with me.. great as my pick-up is I doubt that it would be very successfull at hauling all of that across the mountains..
Yer killin' me Frenchy.
Even though I have the same disease you do, its an awful long way to paddle a raft, despite what it is made of.
I will however match the offer made above. You can stay with me all you like, get fed and all the beer you can handle if you bring a shipping container of wood with ya.
Can even trade you some heart Rimu to take home. <G>
Everything, 100% of it, depends on how you look at it.
DW
AJ
They have this thing called a sail. You put it up when the wind is blowing and it pushes you so you don't have to paddle. Actually since New Zealand is on the bottom of the world (just look at any globe to see what I mean) you should be able to coast downhill all the way to New Zealand..;-)
I suppose that I'll need to give you enough wood to make a mast but that's not hard! Bring a couple of sheets from home and I'll have my wife sew you up a sail..
Adam, yer out of walnut already? What did you do with all that walnut that I carried to you in my suitcase last August? :-)
BJGardening, cooking and woodworking in Southern Maryland
Hey Bee Jay! Long time.
The walnut is occupying a prised spot inside the house. Every day I walk past it and try to think of something really really nice I could make out of it that doesnt involve cutting it or wasting any............................sorry, I gots the disease baaaaaaad.
I dont get my paws on walnut too often, so the perfect use for those 2 beautiful pieces you gave me might take some time.
Frenchy, a sail eh? Next you will be tellin me that one day boats will have some sorta infernal combustion engine on them!
The downhill run home is one thing, itsa awful long uphill swim to get there first.
Everything, 100% of it, depends on how you look at it.
DW
well, frenchy - - I've got a wood-mizer on site, 10K+ board feet worth logs racked - walnut, cherry, ash, poplar, red elm, and other assorted hardwoods - - plans for all kinda stuff, like a shop addition, and I'm thinking about buying the saw - - so do I have the same thing as you, or is it a related malady?
oh, and of course, there is lots of rain in the forecast..."there's enough for everyone"
David,
Well the question is how much do you have stacked in your living room and how much in bedrooms? Don't count wood in hallways as long as you can walk without turning sideways. Do count wood in any heated living spaces and give double points for bedroom/ living room wood.
1/2 points for wood in shops or sheds but 1.5 points for wood on the front porch - driveway wood should get a premium but count it as regular! But add 50 bonus points for each time the building inspector responds to complaints about wood stacked up in your yard.. Any wood piles more than 6 feet tall get 20 bonus points
It is a similar disease but if you've ever profited from the sale of any of that wood or made something and actually sold it from that wood then it's a business and normal accounting applies..
Wood inventor value in dollars less debt paid to acquire asset equals potential profit.. makin' money sounds like a good thing and probably something that we should do on occasion.. Thus it wouldn't be a disease. (unless the total of wood exceeds any reasonable forcast of work achieved)
Frenchy -
We have very flexible payment options. You can make as many trips as you like (hahaha)
...........
From Beautiful Skagit Co. Wa.
Dennis
Frenchy -
I forgot to mention ....
In our (being) remodeled kitchen I've planned for and have installed a dedicated 'beverage' fridge that's well stocked with several varieties of our world class local micro brews. In addition the choice(s) of single malts is quite impressive as long as you don't catch me near the end of my shopping cycle.
The weather is predicted to be rather pleasant today which will give me time to grade and prepare a special storage area for the material you'll be bringing and I can use the tractor for unloading while you relax in the shade of our tall firs and cedars. Or, by the time you get here, use them as an umbrella to shed the rain.
Do you prefer the sweeter highland malts or, like myself, lean towards the those from Islay with more "character"?
(hehehehehe)
...........
From Beautiful Skagit Co. Wa.
Dennis
Sorry I just don't like beer.. more of a whine , er wine kinda guy...
that, however, is good stratagy- replace one addiction with another..;-)
Well, Frenchy, I don't have the wine cellar quite complete but I know where all the (cases) of our select Yakima Valley (Eaton Hills) cab is stored along with some rather excellent Sira and a pretty good selection of whites as well. You'll not be dissapointed.
I drink to anything but excess!
...........
From Beautiful Skagit Co. Wa.
Dennis
Now you are speaking a language that I could enjoy..
Tell you what, since SWMBO has me chained to this place for the forseeable future, if you were to bring several bottles of the fruit of the vine when you come to visit me I'd be inclined to donate an obcene amount of wood to your good cause.
Call it the Frenchy Dampier grant
Hey stop your Whining!If nothing sticks to Teflon,how does Teflon Stick to metal. Huh
Teflon magnets!
that was simple,... give me a tough one!
Frenchy:
We should trade. I've got lots of walnut planks from trees we've felled over the past few years... and a decent supply of Wisconsin black cherry. Although, for the latter, I must admit the cherry has a few more twists than I'd like due to some poor care at our local mill. Always wanted to see Lake Minnetonka. A friend of mine lives on the lake and refuses to move as he calls it the outdoorsman's paradise.
RObbie
Robbie,
That sounds interesting and doable. What kind of wood would you like to trade for? Come out this summer and I'll put you on the boat. (big enough to have it's own toilet which is important after a afternoon of drinking ) If you like to fish etc. this sure is the Lake to do that.. Not for nothing they hold the Bass fishing contests and Crappie contests here.. Northern Pike and Musskelunge are also common... Mean and agressive blue gills thu.. If you go swimming off the end of my dock wear a "T" shirt, it's very painfull when they bite your nipple!
Geez Frenchy... you've made it all make sense now. It wasn't a nipple ring, but actually a limited edition Jackson Five bass lure that caused the hullabalou at the Super Bowl.
:-)
Frenchy,
do you want to adopt another kid? I am still young (don't turn 50 til december). I eat a simple diet (pizza & beer). I like to play with woodworking toys also. Let me know.
Chuck
Chuck children of all ages are welcome.. (you aren't afraid of heights are you?) I mean the roof over the east wing needs to go up and I certainly could use a hand there.. We'll get some heavy equipment to hoist us our tools and wood up there and go at it.. I was thinking of doing a curved roof kinda a thatch weave sorta thing using either Tamarck or maybe my old standby Black Walnut as the roof rafters. Afterwards we could turn some spindales on the lathe. (or maybe just make oversized baseball bats out of cherry or some other wood.. )
OK, looks like the relative thing is more atractive to you. (children topic)
How s'about a a long lost older brother!? One you simply has to visit that happens to have a well stocked yet to be completed wine cellar?
...........
From Beautiful Skagit Co. Wa.
Dennis
I don't have an older brother (it's doubtfull anybody could be older than me since I'm certain at times in the morning that I'm the oldest man on earth..) {you really shouldn't start to build a timberframe when you are past 55, fat, and outa shape}
Nah, you'll have to be adapted by me too..
Frenchy,
I think its wonderful that Dennis wants you to come out west to watch the eagles fly. However, visiting me in Boston, not only avoids the mountains...but in July..we'll have all the eagles here crapping....something real at the Democratic convention, like wood, would be real refreshing....lol
My offer stands to you as well.
Stop out here and pick up a bunch of wood at our friendly midwest prices.. I promise you that I can load your pick-up with enough wood to make it's tail drag for less than $30.00 Then you can watch the Eagles fly around here..
Please note.
I avoid the East Coast, it may be my bigotted nature or my simple homespun ways, but to me East is bad while West is good..
Who was it that said, "Go west Young man, go west?
Frenchy .... trust me ....! Life before 60 is just a warm-up. I can vouch for it.
But I see trying to enroll you in our therapy program isn't working. Trying to join your family isn't working. I see someone is trying to entice you with a trade. I'll try that slant.
Have you ever considered directing your malfocused energy from wood to metal? I suffer from a metalic form or the same affliction you're experiencing. Not gold. Not silver .... just plain ol' iron.
Angles, channels, tubing, .... several miles of allthread of at least three different diameters.
You don't need a welder but it helps rationalize collecting this stuff. A portable metal band saw became handy once I passed the half century mark myself. I think pound for pound I could easily match your wood pile if (when) you decide to exercise an iron will (grin)
But all else failing, we're planning on making a major sight seeing trip back east in a year or so. Given that by that time one could probably spot your property from the nearest county line, perhaps I could drag my 14' car trailer along for the ride and help you shed some pounds.
Of wood that is. (hehehe)
...........
From Beautiful Skagit Co. Wa.
Dennis
I save my metal too! Thru shear will power I was able to reduce the stock pile down to around 10,000 pounds. keeping only pieces without rust and in new shape.. yes I have welders and lathes metal band saws etc. and etc..
You can't build race cars without superabundance of metal hanging around.
please do come, if you give me sufficent notice I'll arrange a stack for you to haul back.. Do I hear another frenchy fest coming up?
OK, I guess it's settled then. We'll be dropping by in about two years. That gives us *both* time to 'take care of business' around home before taking any time off.
Now the only task I have remaining is convincing my life-time travel partner it's worthwhile to haul the trailer all around the east coast and back through your country in order to collect some wood which I could probably buy locally for less than half the cost and aggrevation of handling a 14' trailer behind a 26' motor home for 10 or thousand miles. But then, I *could* use it to haul the wine.
None of which seems too likely I'm afraid.
...........
From Beautiful Skagit Co. Wa.
Dennis
There's your solution!
26 foot motor home? use it like normal and stop here on the way back. When you get here tear out a couple of beds and replace them with stacks of wood.. (you can evan put the mattress on top of the wood piles) stack a low pile or two on the roof and be carefull when making sharp turns and going under low bridges.. ;-)
Frenchy -
Will you accept Canadian money? The colors are really pretty which, if adding no real economic value drives the asthetic character through the roof. I could probably come up with a couple blues and a purple or two. How about some coins? We use lots of those... generally to knock down the other guys bottle cap.
Good luck and best wishes for a speedy recovery!
Listen,
I'm so overburdened with wood I'd probably take monopoly money..
Heck I've tried to give wood away and had few if any takers (unless it was the really great stuff that is stashed on the bottom of my piles)
I'll tell you what for the next week only I'll give a board away per mile driven.. (now watch some smart aleck on his around the world trip take me up on my offer!)
> ...I'll give a board away per mile driven..
Considering I'm about as close to the Pacific Ocean as I can get without getting wet, this deal is growing sweeter with time. Too bad it would take me a week to get the trailer and RV ready for the trip (hehehe)
...........
From Beautiful Skagit Co. Wa.
Dennis
See greed isn't good after all.
If you come out here with your car (I'm sure it will make the trip) you could load up with probably close to a thousand bd.ft. (if you don't mind the muffler dragging) but to ready a motor home and trailer to maximise your take , you'll miss the window of opertunity! Figure it's close to 1500 miles each way so three thousand for the round trip and your car must get 30 miles per gallon (right? Heh! work with me here)
that means it will cost you 100 gallons of gas @ $1.50 (work with me!) that's only $150 dollars.. for a thousand bd. ft. of hard wood!
It's about a real long day each way (San Diego took me 36 hours and you're much closer) and I'd evan let you sleep on the sofa.. Nice guy that I am I'd probably evan give you an apple to eat on your way back.. hey, what could be better?
At those (gas) prices it would almost be worthwhile to drive a tanker back to your neck o' the woods and bring *that* back full instead of a trunk full of wood! (hehe)
Unfortunately I don't think I'll make the schedule on the special pricing offer. Not this season, anyway. Maybe you'll have another inventory clearance next year and we can spar for a few more messages! (haha) Right now I'm locking horns with Jon (Arno) on whether or not I should waste my time trying to tame some western hemlock into sofit boards for the porch ceiling.
...........
From Beautiful Skagit Co. Wa.
Dennis
I'm so overburdened with wood I'd probably take monopoly money..
hey - throw a party and have a bonfire....clear the area and you can start over - fires next to lakes are kinda tradition, get in touch with your roots...
or organize a potlatch - everyone bring everything they have and give it away - I know, it's hard to come out with a smaller net from such an event, but then when you have the bonfire, your not burning up anything you have emotional investment it - "there's enough for everyone"
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