Friends,
I am a bit disappointed in the Olympics. They have no woodworking events. It is time for a Woodworking Olympics. Let me know if you have any suggestions.
Mt. Crawford, Virginia is thinking about increasing taxes to build the necessary structures to support this international event.
My suggestion for Categories of events are:
1) Real Woodworking – these event center on making furniture of various types. This category is the real guts of these Olympic games. There will be a set of events on sharpening, for example, but the woodworker penalize himself for getting a tool sharper than it needs to be to do the woodwork. Remember, in this category, the focus is on woodworking
2) Precision Woodworking – In this category, one tries for the highest degree of precision in various aspects of woodworking. Lengths, widths and thicknesses are measured down to the thousandths, and even finer if necessary to select a winner. This degree of precision has nothing to do with real woodworking, but lots of people are into it. There will be sharpening events in this category. They will be judged using an electron microscope. The hand planing events will only feature woods from Australia, and flatness will be checked by NASA instruments.
3) Writing about woodworking – This requires no real woodworking ability, but it does require an astounding ability with woodworking terms, and the ability to come up with ideas that will be considered exciting in Woodworking magazines.
One of the events in this area will be “Ability to edit Fine Woodworking”. Preliminary qualifying rounds for this event will include severe questioning by members of Knots.
A popular event in this category will be the ability to deal with “hecklers” and people who send you nasty messages. The judges for this event will be: Boss Crunk, RiverProf, and Charles Stanford. With three judges, there won’t be any ties.
4) Knowledge of esoteric woodworking tools and ability to use them. You will not only have to pass tests on the history of such tools, the makes of the tools, but how the tools work, and how to work them.
5) Profitable woodworking – We are not sure that we will be able to have events in this category, but we are searching.
If you have any ideas on how to make a Woodworking Olympics really work well, please send them in.
Thanks,
The Woodworking Olympics Committee
Measure your output in smiles per board foot.
Replies
You forgot "doo-dad" woodworking. The primary event in this section is making a Victorian scroll-sawn knicknack shelf. Participant's entries should be judged on the total hours consumed (higher numbers = better score), gaudiness of finish, and of course, inventive use of inappropriate materials, such as formica. ;-)
d.
With a great suggestion as good as that, you have just qualified as the second member of the committee! Who knows, we could come up with a really interesting set of events.
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
How about a speed contest for making full-sized cope & stick entry doors with the spring-pole shaper?
Ralph, Do we need to consider the use of weight classes for the spring pole shapers?MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Mel,
Wonderful idea!
In any of the "actual" woodworking categories there will need to be at least three divisions. 1. Hand tools only. 2. Power tools only. and 3. Combination of hand and power.
In the hand tools division you could even split that into two sub-divisions: tools that cost less than $1.00 per inch and another for more than $1.00 per inch.
Another set of divisions under the actual woodworking categories would be green wood and dry wood sub or sub-subdivisons.
Alan - planesaw
Synchronized turning?
Biscardi,
" synchronized turning " .How about " dovetailing relays ". Two drawers, four drawers, and Six drawers. Of course, in the spirit of the 100 meter dash, we need to have a Frank Klausz style "dovetail one drawer" sprint!MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot. t
Alan,
But what about for the turners? Do we have to wait six months for their bowls to dry?
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Mel,
Drying time. Hmmmmm?! Could just judge them within the few days of that year's games.
Of course, you'll need to develop the details of Winter games and Summer games. Maybe those come in the form of same time each year, but they alternate between north and south of the equator. July in the north would be summer, and in Australia would be winter. Needs some work.
Alan - planesaw
How about jigs? Gold for the one that adjusts the most and does the least.
Mel:
Fabulous idea! How about a WW Tri-athlon?
Maybe fell and mill a tree into usable lumber with a chain saw, follwed by turning a live edged bowl from green lumber and finally 4 squaring 50 bf of hard maple with hand planes! That would make that Ironman event seem like child's play!
Madison
Madison,
Now that is THINKING BIG. A task to find the woodworker who can do it all -- from the forest to the final product. When I stop to think of Michaelangelo - he had to do everything including making his own paints. So in this vein, maybe we need some events on making your own tools. Of course, this will make it difficult to get sign up sponsors. Why does it always come down to money? (answer: because it is the real world).Looking forward to seeing you at the Woodworking Olympics.
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
If The Committee decides to hold the event in New Mexico, they should also consider a Kiln Wetting event, i.e. how best to bring wood UP to 7%.
Ralph,"If The Committee decides to hold the event in New Mexico, they should also consider a Kiln Wetting event, i.e. how best to bring wood UP to 7%."That's a good one. Living in Virginia, getting wood wetter is not a thing I think about much. IT is worthy of an Olympic woodworking event. MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Who's going to take charge of monitoring and testing for performance enhancing drugs, and which drugs won't be permitted?
If booze and fags are banned on the grounds that they're performance enhancing I'm not playing, and I'll sulk, and I'll take my plane with me, yah, yah, yah. Slainte.Richard Jones Furniture
No smokes?! I had the same problem at the Photo Olympics. No smoking at the ether-based film development event. Next thing ya know, they'll ban meth-based stains!
Richard,
No tests for performance enhancing drugs or booze.
That would put us out of business.
Have fun.
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
There is an error in item 3, last paragraph, second last sentence.
Philip,
"There is an error in item 3, last paragraph, second last sentence."Actually that was not an error. The Woodworking Olympics Committee is low on money for flying in judges. We thought that this would save money. The retail business refers to this as a "threefer".By the way, The Sports Olympics has as its symbol, A Flaming Torch.
The Woodworking Olympics will be a flaming Hand Plane. You would be the obvious choice to make the Flaming Plane. It will be revered the world over as woodworkers carry it through towns and cities. Obviously you are a great designer of Planes, but this one will be more challenging than most. It not only has to hold a flame, but the flaming plane has to be held. So maybe the tote should be on the bottom. What do you think?
Mel
Measure your output in smiles per board foot.
<By the way, The Sports Olympics has as its symbol, A Flaming Torch.> ...or The Wood Stove.-If you didn't learn something new today, you're not looking hard enough!
What about the "Sh*tPut" in the handtool category. This is where you compete for distance throwing your worst handtool purchase. You only get one throw. No one wants the tool brought back to them.
GRW,
The Sh*tput sounds great. I have bought a few over the decades that didn't meet my expectations. :-) But what what might be even more fun is to take these tools, and have a competition to wee who is best at pawning them off on another unsuspecting woodworker. We could use this competition for selling good-looking but bad-working tools to others for another money-making purpose. Get a list of people who are willing to buy these things. One could sell that list a number of times for big bucks. There's one born every minute. This leads me to another interesting event -- participants have to design "Yet another sharpening system - but this one really works." We judge the "pitches". I can see it now, " Insert your plane iron here, and 'set it and forget it.' After sharpening your iron on the new Ron Popeil Sharp A Matic, you can make shavings so thin that they only have one side. Yesserreeeee folks, if you are one of the first 100 woodworkers to send in your $2500, we'll include ....."I think we are onto something.MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Mel,
Great idea.
Sharpening is an area that like gymnastics, has room for many, many events.
Waterstone flattening.
Longest/widest/thinnest shaving
Highest degree of mirror polish-- chisel back, plane iron categories.
All round floor events- Tormek, Worksharp, scary sharp, waterstones, diamond stones, Arkansas.
Honing medley: Back and forth, side to side, figure eight, circular, 6" ruler, freestyle (no jigs).
Ray
Ray,
You forgot the most important event in sharpening - sharpening with a dished stone!
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Mel,
You're right, but here's why, in case it isn't obvious:
When it comes to awarding the gold medal for sharpening stones, some people can take it, but they can't dish it out.
Ray
Ray,
"some people can take it, but they can't dish it out."I think that on Knots, it is just the opposite. Everybody can dish it out, but some are too sensitive to take it.
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Mel,
Careful with the slurs about peoples' sharpening technique. Each event has its own theme song.
I hear the Music Man singing now.
"I can hone a blade in a hurry,
With my nagura, and its slurry,
My waterstone and a slurry,
On its dished-out top."
Ole Blue Eyes, to the tune of, " 'S wonderful":
" 'S cary Sharp...'S Float glass flat,
But still, my edge is dubbed."
Since you work at Woodcraft where they are sold, you can sing the one for that system with the expensive motorized wheel. We'll put your names in lights, you'll get top billing:
"Mel, Tormek"
Buy this wheel, see, it goes round and round,
As your cash flies off with a sucking sound,
Chisels, planes, and gouges could be ground,
With all it's accessories that you're dreaming of.
Ray
Ray,
Come on. Let's go to Nashville. We gotta start recording those songs of yours. What'll we call ourselves?
The Five Sharps.
The Sharpsichords.
Scary Sharp and The Shaptons.
THE REAL STONES.Big money rollin in.
I can smell it.
Mel
Measure your output in smiles per board foot.
What about--the Whets Tones?
Doorboy,
I believe Whet Stones is the winning name.
You get automatic entry to all the events you are interested in.
Very creative.
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Mel, Color me a skeptic is guess, but I am always guilty of trying to read between the lines, and have been wondering why you were motivated to come up with this idea. I guess it is up to me to drag you out from behind the curtain. You have been throwing those sculpting adz haven't you? If you really want to draw in a high TV audience, you need to have an event where you sculpt a bowl but each cut is made by throwing the tool at the blank. Now that should be exciting. You know how one bad throw could bounce no telling where. Somebody over in the table-saw safety section could loose more than a few fingers. ha, K
Keith,
Great idea. Sculpting by throwing sharp objects. I like it.
YOu asked about my movtivation for starting this thread. I was looking through all of the folders and didnt see any posts that were interesting. Most of them were about woodwork. Can you believe that? So I thought we could have some fun. Most of usual suspects showed up.
Have fun.
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Mel
While this is a great idea in theory, it just won't work. The olympics have already proven over and over and over again that any competition where the victors are chosen based on judging, and not by scoring the highest points, or most goals, or fastest times, will be tainted with corruption. You're bound to have Richard or Ray huff off of the bronze medal podium, leaving medal as it lay, after being looked over what obviously would be a gold medal performance.
What would we do if Adam ran off screaming and kicking because his short pants and goofy shoes weren't voted as "Most 18th Century"?????
Knotheads abound will be left with an even worse reputation than we already have in PW land. The voting for "Most Curmudgeonly" or "Biggest Troll" should be interesting to watch, though.....
Jeff
Jeff,
There you go -- throwing facts around, and putting a damper on a potentially long irrelevant discussion. You know, I wish that Garrison Keillor was a woodworker. He is one of my favorite writers. He'd be great on Knots. I like the way he uses facts -- as starting points for fabrication. You seem to actually base your thinking on them. Sounds very restrictive. Have fun.
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Jeff,
Don't worry about me huffing off. I'm holding out for one of the corrupt judge positions. I can be had for a bottle or two of performance enhancing booze. ( Forget the cigs--I don't smoke, I don't chew, and I don't go for girls who do.) Richard make me an offer, offline, of course. You won't need anything other than your cinderblock, to take home the sharpening event. Paddy already has shaving-horsemanship locked up.
Ray
How about the farthest launch of a board via kickback? Better yet, set up a target (think archery).
Or maybe see who can get the smoothest surface. There can be two classes: abrasives and cutters. Your electron microscope will come in handy.
And how about the thinnest plane shaving?
Chris @ www.flairwoodwork.spaces.live.com
- Success is not the key to happines. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. - Albert Schweitzer
Chris,
Great ideas.
I especially like the one about kickback. Maybe we need a new book, "Kickback is your friend", and teach people how to initiate and control kickback for the perfect curved cuts on a board. MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
1. ripping the narrowest piece of an 8ft length on an unguarded tablesaw (the measurement would be of the piece between the blade and fence, of course)
2. facing the thinnest piece on a jointer.
These events would have to take place late at night
Matt,
Both of your events will be highly popular, for the same reason that people go to stock car races. I would also like to see an event for the smallest piece of wood that can be saved for another project. Personally, I have stopped throwing anything away. I even keep my sawdust and mix it with a binder to make my own MDF. MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Tell us what the minimum age would be. And wouldn't the Chinese be the overwhelming favorites in the low-end production events?
The Chinese seem to have a great attitude toward marketing: Specs? Quality control? Why would we try to do it right when the U.S. will buy anything that we make? What's a recall to us?
heartwould,
"The Chinese seem to have a great attitude toward marketing: Specs? Quality control? Why would we try to do it right when the U.S. will buy anything that we make? What's a recall to us?"I am not an expert on the Chinese, but I am slowly learning some things. I have heard that in China, if you go to a factory and place an order, it may well be filled with as little or as much quality as required by the buyer. If the buyer doesn't have any quality control checks, quality will probably not be good. However, if as part of the contract, the buyer has his own quality control people on site, and no payment will be made for less than stated quality, then the quality will be as contracted for. I think here in the US, we just take it for granted that we should get good quality for our money. At least the older generation seems to be like that. My father, who is 93, and has a heart of gold, sort of believes that everyone is good. I was brought up in a town and at a time when you didn't lock your doors at night. However, EBay and the Internet are teaching us all that we have to be careful in our purchases. I believe our experience with buying from Chinese manufacturers is in the same vein. "Trust but verify.", or just "verify". I have been reading about the Olympics in China. Much different than those held in the US, where Mitt Romney brought us high prices. The Chinese have abundant food for sale at very low prices, and families are the rule, not the exception in the stands. How many American families could have afforded to go to Olympics held in the US?As I watch how the Chinese have handled the Olympics, I realize that I am only seeing what is on TV, but it looks pretty good to me. Very high quality on everything. I hear that the loads of world records being broken would not be possible without the high quality of the facilities.In the US, I think I tended to see Americans cheering for Americans. In the China games, I think I see the Chinese cheering for great performances, no matter who they are by,(but especially for Chinese athletes).So I would tend to blame the US buyers of goods from China for the poor quality that they have accepted, and congratulate the more capable US companies who have insured that they would get good quality. I work part time at Woodcraft. Some of the Chinese imports are just fine. Not looking for an argument. Just making some comments. Like I said, I don't have any personal experience in working with the Chinese. I just thought of an analogy. When my wife and I have a car that needs repairs, I take the car in, not my wife. Our experience is that some American car repairmen think they can get away with more with a woman customer. Maybe getting away with as little as possible is an international trait of a large portion of humanity. I believe I may have done it myself a few times. So I am not going to cast the first stone in this arena. Have fun. Hope you don't take my words offensively or too seriously.
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
No offense taken,and it was certainly not my intention to offend, either. When I was a young lad, "Made in Japan" was the bane of our society in the U.S. Over time, automobiles and electronics that were manufactured in Japan stood for quality, and they have been accepted as the industry standard.
Currently, we are inundated with products that are "Made in China." Obviously, the Chinese are quite capable of manufacturing quality products. These Olympics have proven that the Chinese can build far more than just great walls. Alas, the majority of what we see here does not bespeak quality--yet.
heartwould,
I like your attitude.
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
When my wife and I have a car that needs repairs, I take the car in, not my wife."
Mel,
That's a good idea. If you took your wife in, your car still wouldn't work. I know it's bad, but that's how I read it the first time.
Chris @ http://www.flairwoodwork.spaces.live.com
- Success is not the key to happines. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. - Albert Schweitzer
Edited 8/18/2008 9:06 pm by flairwoodworks
chris,
You heard about the lady who took her car to the mechanic and said, "My husband said for you to take a look at my rear end, its making a funny noise."
Ray
doorboy,
"Tell us what the minimum age would be. "We don't plan on a minimum age. Minimum height will be enforced. You have to be able to do your work at a standard workbench. However, this is not a hard requirement since you can stand on anything you'd like to be able to use the workbench. MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Dare I suggest:
SPEED SHELLACKING!!!
We will all be going for second...
Cal
Cal,
The speed shellacking events will be held in the same arena as the speed changing of dust collection system bags. I hope we have a positive ventilation system that gets the dust out of the tent.
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Hi Cal,
"We will all be going for second..."
I want seconds on just the "solvent", on the rocks. Hey, just make it a double, to begin with.
Ray, seeing double.
Ray,
Try to keep the "good-natured" alcohol supply to a minimum in the cabinet next to the tablesaw!!!! Cal
>>SPEED SHELLACKING!!!OK, I'll ask......Is that gonna be an event in the olympics, or one at the sports bar after?
Politics is the antithesis of problem solving.
Careful!!
There's an individual, who we all know and love, who's nickname is synonymous with finishing SECOND in speedy swimming events, who has his program set to warn him whenever the word "shellac" is mentioned.
Thank goodness he's not a trash talker, too.
Jeff
What about 'Men's Veneer 100mm'
with the object being to manufacture a veneer as thin as the difference between Michael Phelps' fingertip and Milos Cavic's at the finish line of the Mens 100m butterfly.
I say it can't be done, but again, the Chinese would be a heavy favorite in this one.
would six cups of coffee be considered doping ??
m
"would six cups of coffee be considered doping?"
Not in my book. But reading too many messages on Knots could be considered doping by some folks. :-)
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Only with three spoonfuls of sugar in each.Chris @ http://www.flairwoodwork.spaces.live.com
- Success is not the key to happines. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. - Albert Schweitzer
How about a glue up marathon. You have to work alone. with a limited variety of clamps. and the part has to have a variety of angles and curves. which makes it nearly impossible for clamps to hold properly. Throwing of clamps or outloud swearing would result in lost points.
i think(really, i do) that circus type events should be in the olympics. i can just see the romanians winning the gold for fire breathing. and what about the bears on trikes 400 metre relay? would that be the sh*t or what?
How about driving the fastest time to drive a slot-head screws. You're disqualified if you strip the head.
Chris @ www.flairwoodwork.spaces.live.com
- Success is not the key to happines. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. - Albert Schweitzer
Cbris,
You use screws????????
I only use wedged through-tenons. :-)If we do the slot head screw contest, can we soup up the electric screwdrivers?
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Mel,
You use through wedged tenons? That's rather barbaric, don't you think? BLIND wedged tenons are where it's at.
Feel free to soup up your electric screwdriver. However, I feel that it will only put you at a disadvantage.Chris @ http://www.flairwoodwork.spaces.live.com
- Success is not the key to happines. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. - Albert Schweitzer
Chris,
YOu use BLIND WEDGED TENONS????? That is like having a beautiful woman covered up with a giant bag. If you have a masterpiece, it has to SHOW ITSELF OFF!MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
Mel, I think Chris is trying to say that he would enter a pack (?) of Fox Tailed Tenon Joints. These, ofcourse , are invisible and require a hunt of hounds to round up. I think this thread should be moved to your other thread....Philip Marcou
Philip,
Chris and I share an interest in using angle grinders to carve bowls. I am not sure there is anyone else on this agust website who has sunk to such levels of depravity. I am trying to stay on his good side because he has connections with LV. Maybe he can get me a discount on the striking knife, which had been banished from their catalog, and has now returned. I have tried to get Chris over to the LONG thread to help us get to 5000, but instead, he hangs around here with the sane people. The long thread has been pretty bare lately. We need a new topic to get things going again. Maybe you should stop over and write a message about selecting metal working tools to get into the plane making business. Measure your output in smiles per board foot.
Philip,
I will ask Chris to join the Long Thread. Why don't you stop over too. The long thread has been getting bare lately, and we need a new topic to get the blood flowing again. Maybe you should write a message to the long thread on how to select metal working tools to start a plane making business. What do you think?
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
A tag line in regarding shaving horses a discussion about draw-knife guides (originally the new skew rabbet plane) has pointed out an obvious omission in the event line up - the Wood Butt Shavers Competition (similar to Iron Butt motorcycle rides, but with the obvious twist). The event would be 24-hours long, with the woodworkers seated at shaving horses with plank seats. Whoever shapes the most pieces conforming to the judges specs wins. No Veritas tool guides allowed.
Ralph,
Sounds like a great event. Sort of like the Marathon, or even the Iron Man. I don't think I'll compete in that event.
Thanks for writing.
MelMeasure your output in smiles per board foot.
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